My oven is nagging me. I’m wasting too much energy. Not on cooking food. On walking to and fro to check if it’s preheated. If I would just connect this gas burning firebox to the Internet and download another app I could check and set the temperature from the comfort of my couch. From anywhere in my country, even.
An Internet enabled oven is the solution to a problem that nobody is experiencing. It’s the conclusion of a commitment to the hypothetical. “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” Jurassic Park is a great teacher of how this will conclude.
My dentist identified my first cavity. I need to brush longer. Two minutes, two times a day. “Two by two” she said, feigning an ark.
A two minute timer is available on my phone. My watch even. I’ve got to call on Siri, and hope she’s interested in correct interpretation. I’ll resolve to just brush a little longer.
But then Emily buys me a Quip. It’s a toothbrush with a battery. The battery powers tiny vibrations that 9 out of 10 dentists affirm. And these vibrations signal their departure after exactly two minutes. It’s also jet black, which pleases me.
I don’t need an Internet connected tooth brush to gather statistics on how vigorously I’m brushing, reward me for my multi week streak, or send me notifications about my friends doing likewise.
The two minute timer and vibrations are the 100% correct integration of technology into the tooth brushing experience. Rinse. Tap tap tap. Back into the cup until next cleaning.
Published: 2020-05-14