Six weeks of 2024 convince me there is no such thing as a normal week. The beginning of this week felt normal. Get the kids to school in the morning. Get myself to work soon after. Facilitate kids activities in the evenings. Eat a meal together. Go to bed.
My parents came down mid-week to celebrate a birthday. We watched American Animals after the kids were in bed.
The weekend was not normal. I got out of the house, but not out of town, to a hotel for three nights. A best effort practice of solitude.
Solitude used to be a huge event in my life. I would go away to the woods with a couple questions, come back with a dozen more, a few answers, and a renewed sense of direction.
This solitude was not that. I took my old journals as reading material, but only got so far. I watched some movies, went out for some runs, ate some fast-casual fare, put some ideas to paper, and slept soundly.
Solitude at 40 is different. I had so much life ahead of me when I went away in my 20s. My 40s are an era of routine and maintenance. A committed partner is figured out. Raising children to be autonomous in the world is a default purpose. I feel the freedom to say “no” to opportunities I’m not interested in pursuing. Things I want to do are no longer waiting for external authorization and validation before saying “yes”.
I am content in this season.
Published: 2024-02-11