Forty-Two

2026/01/08

I don’t know about you, I’m feeling forty-two.

“Six seven” multiplied. A product of my generation. The meaning of life in Hitchhiker’s Guide.

Statistics tell me I’m closer to my death than my birth. I don’t love that stat, but I accept the premise.

In the time I do have, I’ll keep up the trend line from thiry-six, thirty-nine, and forty. Here’s some things I believe to be true, today.

  1. You’re not responsible for everything. Some things, but not as much as you default to.
  2. Bonhoffer’s Life Together is quoted from pulpits more than tables.
  3. Policies exist to govern folks who don’t engage in good faith.
  4. People can change and that’s a good thing.
  5. Some people won’t change and that’s okay.
  6. Grieving the loss of imagined futures can be better than endlessly holding on to them.
  7. Learning to observe things without judging them is life’s work.
  8. Judging things that are obviously harmful is also part of life’s work.
  9. Health is being okay sitting in silence with your own thoughts.
  10. Let people enjoy things.
  11. Learn to enjoy things even if other people don’t.
  12. You don’t need much to be happy.
  13. You do need safety, belonging, and love.
  14. Life can only be lived in forward motion.
  15. Learn from the past to change the future.
  16. Most things are malleable to enough time and energy.
  17. “There’s one true way” is the mark of a novice. “It depends” is growth to intermediate. “It depends, and I think we should try this way” is the mark of proficiency. “This problem doesn’t need to be solved” is distinguished, sometimes.
  18. Reality has a surprising amount of detail.
  19. Keep a journal to see how you’ve changed and grown in resiliency. Also, laugh at your former foibles. Don’t use the word foibles.
  20. Things that are good for LLMs are good for people. Measure your words. Create clarity. Take time to think before you respond.
  21. Feedback loops are a model for almost everything.
  22. Great managers don’t want to be managers. Great spouses want to be spouses.
  23. Failure modes are more important than happy paths.
  24. Uncommunicated expectations tend to go unmet.
  25. Unresolved conflict tends to go on indefinitely.
  26. Untended relationships tend to go away.
  27. Unintended consequences are still your problem to solve.
  28. Feedback can be accepted or discarded.
  29. Possessions can be kept or discarded.
  30. Permissions can be granted or denied or revoked.
  31. Choices. You can make choices. Life is the accumulation of choices. Some made for you. Some you make in response.
  32. I don’t have the answers for anybody but myself.
  33. Starting is the hardest part of any task.
  34. Processes are like bicycles. They tend to stay balanced when they’re in motion, and fall over if tweaking them requires halting completely.
  35. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. A great statement to make about the God-man. A devastating critique of any other human.
  36. Wearing noise cancelling headphones is not the same as sitting in silence.
  37. Awareness creates awe. Boredom creates breakthroughs. Content creates community. Distance creates desire. Everyone creates everything.
  38. Brush your teeth. Make your bed. Scoop the kitty litter. Take out the trash. Load the dishwasher. Splurge on ice cream and stationary. Play Donkey Kong Bananza.
  39. I am going to walk 1,000 miles this year.
  40. Phone calls are superior to Zoom calls. Somehow FaceTime calls are also superior to Zoom calls. Zoom calls are meetings. FaceTime calls are…calls. Language is imperfect.
  41. Ruby is the best programming language for me.
  42. My family is my constant. Everything else is variable.